I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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