You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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