then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
