so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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