i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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