And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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