So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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