I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
we're making bets on your personal life
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
