Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Randomize
