She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
