so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
