well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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