Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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