i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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