Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
