All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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