I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Sober January is a disaster.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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