so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
