I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
