ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
