Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize