my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
