I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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