i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
