I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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