Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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