why didn't you poke me back
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Randomize
