There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Randomize
