i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
