Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
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