Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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