Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
