The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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