Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
