I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
