Your face is a jimmy john
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
