I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
