i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
