i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
