The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
