Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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