you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
There are leaves in my underwear?
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