do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
