I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
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