I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
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