tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
