I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
