D3 body, D1 cock
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Congratulations! We have a period
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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