wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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