I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
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