You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
