What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
