She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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