all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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