Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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