do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
