It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Can you bring me the toilet please
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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