Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
