yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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