Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Your cock deserves a montage
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Come share oat with me in your robe
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize