i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
