apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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