i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Holy shit dude........stairs
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