True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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