did you get engaged???
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
