I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
