Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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