Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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