I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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