M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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