just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
